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Making the move to Dreamwidth. Keeping my name, mostly because it wasn't taken. Not that I think I'm particularly subversive these days... there's just something nice about continuity.

See you there if you're there.

Mar. 17th, 2016


Comment to be added, future friends of mine.

The Bees Knees (or Forearms)

We got our (very belated) 2nd anniversary tattoos yesterday! Each year, we're going with a theme as opposed to getting matching tattoos, since our styles are so different. In 2013, it was waves. For 2014, bees. We are going to Vegas in October for our 3rd anniversary, so maybe our next theme will be Vegas-y or desert-y? Anyway, here are the bees:

#gratitude30 Day 10 - Words: Home Is Where The Honey Bee means home can be defined as wherever I am with my dearest love and true counterpart.

And one of Drew getting worked on by the amazing Abby:


Also, Drew finally realized that I SORT OF lovingly conned him into being okay with me getting lots of tattoos in the years to come. He has expressed many times that he likes my current tattoos, but doesn't want to see me covered in them. Being the person I am, I have always been like, "That's your opinion, honey, and I respect it. However, I'm a grown woman and I do what I want." THEN, we got tattoos together for our first anniversary, on a whim, and I suggested that we do it every year for the rest of time. He agreed, and then yesterday marveled at my sentimental cunning. "Smart woman," said Abby.

Sep. 6th, 2014

My last day of work, barring some extreme change in circumstance, should be Thursday, October 23rd.  I put in for a few more furlough days as well, since I won't be reimbursed for any extra when I resign.  Between those days and our Disney trip, I actually only have to go to work 22 more times!  I truly will miss the work I do and all of my work pals, but I'm MORE excited to start my new life in Oregon with my man.

I miss Drew.  And it's only been three days!  Five more weeks until we're together again.  In the meantime, I am helping him map out apartments to visit, since he only has a mostly malfunctioning phone on which to research and plan things.

Today I did next to nothing, which is exactly how much I had planned to do.  After the last two dizzying weeks of packing and sorting and going to various appointments and getting our cat settled at a friend's place, I needed a single day of vegetation.  I've halfway watched three or four movies, and stayed in my PJs all day.  I did do a little gardening with my father this morning, trimming radishes and purple carrots as he pulled them out of the ground, and harvesting the last of the basil for pesto.

Tomorrow I eat many kinds of mushroom soup!  Something else to which I can look forward!

Thoughts on an Unhealthy Friendship

I still get the very occasional email from my former best friend, Elliott. For a while after our ugly fallout, I would have a dream about him the night before one of these emails would arrive. It was eerie. That kind of thing doesn't really happen anymore, which is somewhat of a relief. I respond to his infrequent emails, which mostly contain talk of major life events, book and music recommendations, and rarely, mentions of his wife, whom he started dating back when we were still attempting a long distance romance. It doesn't unsettle me to hear from him the way it used to, probably because I have spent a lot of time processing my yucky feelings about the friendship. I was probably never closer to any person, and probably never will be, but that's okay, because a lot of what went on between us wasn't emotionally healthy.

In list form, of course:

- Our friendship actually started on LiveJournal, on a pen pal community. When we first started chatting surprised, he sent me a lot of pictures of himself that later turned out to be not him at all. It was strange how I found out. He also talked about a good friend of his that I always suspected he had made up, and if I recall it correctly, I chatted to this friend online once or twice but never got to speak to him on the phone, and when I wanted to, their friendship suddenly ended. Elliott also told me that he had something like seven tattoos, and described them vividly, so when I met him in person a few years later, I was surprised to find that he had only one or two. Of course, he was 15 or 16 when we became friends, so maybe he was protecting his actual identity, but I never got a satisfactory explanation of the discrepancies.

- Elliott could be very critical about things that didn't fit his worldview, which isn't unusual in itself, but he would sometimes police the things I would say or do so that I would better match his image of me.  For instance, we had a phone conversation where I said the word "blunt," (the noun, not the adjective) and he insisted that I never use any kind of slang, suggesting that it made me sound trashy.  I laughed it off, but did not like the way he was so comfortable telling me what to do.

- Once I began dating other folks, Elliott started placing more and more demands on my time, wanting more phone calls and getting upset if we didn't talk every day.  I can't even guess how many times I had to apologize, reassure him that his friendship was important, and promise to be better about communicating.  Then he would say, "I don't care, do what you want," and I would feel compelled to win him over, time and again.  So often, he would make me feel like The Worst Person Ever, and yet I was still doing back bends to trying to keep him placated. Now I would sooner punch someone than let them make me feel so horrible.  (Okay, I wouldn't punch anyone, but I don't take any shit either.)

- Since the end of our friendship, there are things in his emails that continue to put me off.  Until recently, he would always have some kind of sexual remark, even if it wasn't about me.  Like, "That's what I've been doing to stay busy, and when not doing that, well, you know what boys like to do when left alone."  When you haven't corresponded in six months, how is that appropriate?

- Another thing I don't like is his apparent entitlement when it comes to my life and my things.  To be conversational, I mentioned that I had taken up quilting.  In his next email, Elliott said that he'd love to receive a quilt from me, and even sent me a list of fabrics he liked.  There was never any offer to make him a quilt, but he assumed that I would want to if he expressed interest.  No!

- And lastly, the thing that really burns me up is his need to insinuate every so often that I am being somehow controlled by my husband and am not autonomous any longer.  From his last email: "I would love to send you some mix CDs, but you probably aren't allowed to receive them."  Not only do I not want any physical mail from Elliott, but my husband is not some kind of domineering asshole, a la The Color Purple, dictating who I can see and talk to and get mail from, etc.  We are a team of equals, and we both respect the fact that we had lives before (or, like, in between) the one we built together.  We trust each other to make good decisions regarding interactions with exes and anyone else.  For Elliott to suggest that I'm in a relationship where one person makes decisions for the other is to basically call me weak or subservient.  And that I can't abide.

Anyway, I've learned a lot about what a friend IS by being shown what a friend ISN'T.  So at least there's that.

Middle of the Night

I fell asleep on my dad's couch, and then woke up wanting ice cream. I think my husband tried to get me to go to sleep in our temporary quarters in the basement, but he knew I was exhausted and let me be. We spent this whole week packing, cleaning, throwing stuff away, and yesterday we loaded all of our remaining possessions into two wooden boxes the size of walk-in closets, which will be stored at a Uhaul facility until the end of October. My husband didn't believe it would all fit, and feared we would need a third box, which would have been considerably more expensive, so I gloated a little when we only halfway filled the second box. It is a strange experience to be without all of your things. I suspect it will be a little like Christmas when we unpack in Oregon, except we will most likely be sitting on milk crates instead of the couch on which I was most recently napping.

We now have to do a deep cleaning of our empty house, which I am not looking forward to in the least. Hopefully, my wonderful husband will do most of it while I am at work tomorrow, since I am pretty much useless after a Saturday at the circulation desk. On Sunday, we are taking a carful of stuff to the flea market to sell. Last Sunday, we made something like $175 there, and it defrayed the costs of various truck rentals over the past week. Later, I'm taking our cat and all of her accessories to get settled in at a friend's apartment. We put sparkly pink caps on her claws Thursday, in an effort to keep her from destroying my friend's door frames. [A moment of silence here for our own shredded door frames, which will hopefully be restored tomorrow with some spackle and paint.] Monday is Labor Day, and there will be some kind of grilling with my dad and step-mother. Tuesday is Drew's last day in Delaware, until he returns in five weeks for our Disney World trip and a goodbye party.

Wednesday, Drew leaves for Oregon to establish a blueprint of our future life on another coast. We have not been apart for more than a week since we started dating again in 2008. I'm much more excited now than nervous, but still.

Okay. Bedtime, part two.

Aug. 28th, 2014

So... we're moving to Oregon in two months. I can't talk about it yet anywhere else. After all this time, LiveJournal is still my safe place to tell truths. I couldn't be more excited, or more nervous! Drew leaves in a week, and I follow him at the end of October. Everything we own is going into storage tomorrow! Please, Universe, let the culinary and library careers of our dreams be waiting for us when we arrive!

News. Big news. Great news!

This feels like hollering into an empty room, but I know a few of you are still around to read this:

I'm engaged! Drew proposed on Christmas Eve and we're planning a spring of 2012 wedding. We've had the most interesting journey, from love to enmity and back again. It's been over ten years since I passed him a note in our high school hallway to let him know I thought he was cute. Ten years! I'm so excited to unite our lives, surrounded by the people who love us.

Birthday post... plus major anxieties.

I'm turning 27 in a few minutes. I'm typing this on a phone which means I am modern and ''with it,'' finally.

Bad stuff first... I have begun to hate this house. We were robbed, the basement keeps flooding after heavy rain, Drew's dad is the oddest landlord possible, and Turkey recently decided that a litter box is for the birds and now uses a hidden storage area of the basement to do her elimination stuff. Gross. We also get mega-centipedes here. Finger length. It's creepy.

The good news is that we're moving at the end of the summer. To Middletown. Which is the middle of the nowhere that Is Delaware. I'm okay with that. I'm applying for a promotion as soon as it is posted... Library Specialist. I'll also be working part time at Frightland this fall. It's this whole haunted house and scary Halloween place that I love. My brother and mom worked there last year.

Anyway, I made cupcakes tonight. They are supposed to be sunflower cupcakes but the heat and humidity are making piping frosting impossible. Final assembly and decor may be postponed 'til I gat to work tomorrow. I do have 11 red M&M ladybugs and a bunch oF green fruit rollup leaves completed and at the ready.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
For the longest time, I've been sort of avoiding joining any online social networking sites more technically complicated that livejournal or facebook (and I don't really understand facebook all the way). However, in a workshop this morning, during a discussion of web 2.0 tools and their possibitlies for connecting readers with authors, I realized that I better get savvy quick if I want to be marketable as a teen librarian. Once I've finished school and all that, of course. I wouldn't say I'm a luddite, but I've been hesitant to embrace the new wave of technologies.

So, I better be able to twitter and skype and ning and voki and glogster and all that other stuff. Whatever that means.